The Theatre Geek Condition (And Preparing To Take The Greatest City in The World By Storm)

“All the world’s a stage, [just saying]…”

-William Shakespeare

I’m here, my friends, I’m alive!

I feel very angry with myself that I have not been posting on time the past two weeks and I apologize and will deter all further lateness to the best of my abilities.

Whelp, it is true that I’ve been very busy preparing for my trip to-

*freaks out and screams for 2 full hours *

-not that it’s an excuse of course.

But in any case, I’m back. Some might argue that this is not necessarily a good thing, and they really might have a point, but why should we discuss something philosophical and truthful when we can discuss musical theatre?

Just kidding. You know I’m kidding. Musical Theatre is our world. At least it is my world that I may or not have forced upon you, whom I obviously adore.

Let me stay on track here.

I, Broadway Lil, am galumphing off to New York City in a whirlwind of black turtlenecks and hope. Like, today.

What is happening.

If I think too hard about it for any period of time I begin to lose the ability to breath, so I have been trying to stay on track and Continue as Normal but it’s been rather hard.

As you may know, I am going to New York to *cries uncontrollably for seven minutes* take a workshop on Writing Musical Theatre, which I was invited to do following the smashing success of my musical. It was sort of smashing. But sort of is better than nothing! (What is freaking happening to me that all this is happening to me, I am freaking out and not speaking logically at all!!)

I’ve got to admit, that when I think about what will occur at the workshop, my thoughts turn quite a lot to how I will be perceived by the other, presumably, incredibly geeky theatre geeks who will be taking the workshop. Will they like me? Will I come off too strange? Will they have better turtlenecks? Being a theatre geek at the level at which I am a theatre geek, I have been in indebted with a knowledge of our strange breed that few are in possession of. This knowledge spans dress, reading habits, diet, and many other useful tidbits of theatre geek life, but I realize that I’ve never thought a huge amount about the various divisions of theatre-geekdom that exist. And I’ve never really thought how I, Broadway Lil, might fit into those divisions…

Wow, what is this blog turning into, a soap opera? Who am I, a drama queen?

Actually, nerp, how ‘bout I don’t answer that.

I asked a question about theatre geekdom. I decided to answer my own question. I traveled into the jungles of vibrato and through the deserts of tap shoes and ‘tho things were intense, what with all the Jellicle Cats and Phantoms of The Operas gallivanting around the place,  I came up with some Facts, most of which may be accurate.

A Mostly Factual Report From Top Theatre Geek Researcher, Lillian Mottern (featuring never-before-seen photos of her from pervious posts, being insane per ush(also possibly a yes-seen-before-photo because she had to leave for New York and couldn’t take photos))

I have extensively studied the theatre geeks around my relative vicinity and have come to the conclusion that there are various subgroups in the much wider Theatre Geek breed. I studied these subgroups and was able to place them relatively accurately into three categories. Take all things In Stride.

-Lillian Mottern, Theatre Geek researcher, 2017

Ahrem:

 

Drama Heads

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My first subject I placed into the category of Drama Heads. I found, as I went along, that I was quite good at thinking up mildly idiotic names for categories.

Drama Heads, I found, were very inclined to wearing black, and many of them tended towards wearing cravats to cast parties. They appeared to enjoy drama and darkness, always with a splash of Subliminal Themes Translated Through Spoken Word, and if they came across a newcomer they didn’t trust they could verge on dangerous.

Traits: Intense, Driven, Well-Spoken, Wry

Clothing Item of Choice: The Classic Black Turtleneck

Musical: Spring Awakening

Play: Uncle Vanya, The Zoo Story

Diet: Coffee

Habitat: Dark, cool locations, preferably indoors

Theatrical Profession: Directors, playwrights, drama actors

 

Class Attacks

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Whereas the Drama Heads appeared to love being cloaked in mystery, the Class Attacks appeared to love Flouncing Around Insanely. They seemed, as I studied them more extensively, to fully believe that they were all small reincarnated Audrey Hepburns and had a partiality to red lipstick and flipping their hair up at the ends. Where the Drama Heads were careful, the Class Attacks were rash, and in many circumstances endangered their lives by gallivanting around Paris on bicycles whilst drinking champagne and simultaneously applying lipstick in small mirrors. There are degrees, it seems, of this breed of Theatre Geek, on one end of the spectrum being those Class Attacks who won’t leave the house without a string of pearls and on the other end, those who never take off their furs and diamonds and speak with a strong Transatlantic Accent (think Kathrine Hepburn). Some Class Attacks have a tendency of being criminal masterminds.

 

Traits: Fabulous, Classy, Witty

Clothing Item of Choice: A String of Pearls

Musical: Anything Goes, Sunset Boulevard

Book: The Great Gatsby  

Diet: Champagne and macarons

Habitat: Bright, scenic locations, preferably castles

Theatrical Profession: Actresses, Actors, Costume Designers

 

Jazz Handsers

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Jazz Handsers have been ridiculed in the past for their unlimited enthusiasm and extreme vocal volume, but with the emergence of Lin Manuel Miranda, many jazz handsers have let their true colors fly and shown the world just how fabulous Broadway is. Something to note about this breed of theatre geek is that in spite of their bright welcoming demeanors, some Jazz Handsers can become chilly and fairly dangerous when provoked, and due to the loyal heard-like groups they reside inside of, crossing only one of them could put you and anyone close to you in true mortal danger.

Traits: Loud, Fabulous, Bright, Talented

Clothing Item of Choice: The Classic Feather Boa

Musical: Oklahoma, Gypsy

Play: Laughter on the 23rd Floor

Diet: Lattes

Habitat: Beautiful, loud locations, preferably with microphones

Theatrical Profession: Actresses, Actors, Writers, Composers

 

I have to admit, that I find myself fitting into all three of those categories, but please tell me which one is you! I love you all and will see you in New York. Also: Super exciting news! I will be posting news things every day while I’m in New York so I can keep you updated on all the fabulous proceedings, so make sure you are subscribed to my lil’ blog here so that I can keep you up with all the drama, ‘cause there’s sure to be a ton. Just saying.

I love you all!

Lil🎭

xoxo

 


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